The Right Phrase At The Right Time

As I've watched my son grow up and slowly head towards leaving the "nest", I tend to look back more and more on the little things he did and said as a child.

And I think to myself....

"Holy shit. What the fuck was he thinking?!"

Like me, my son tends to speak his mind. It doesn't matter who he's speaking to. He doesn't care. I've told him that if he needs to say something, to say it. Throughout his life, he has taken these words to heart. I have slightly regretted teaching him this lesson on more than one occasion.

When Booger (the name I call my son on here for privacy reasons, and at home 'cause he's always been a little snot) was barely walking, he liked to participate in what I like to call "Shock Therapy". That's when he opens his tiny, innocent little mouth and out comes something so completely shocking to those around us that everyone stares at me, mouth agape, wondering how I could have corrupted such an innocent in so short amount of time.

One such time was on an elevator in the apartment building we spent the first few years of his life in. We lived on the 9th floor. It was a fairly speedy elevator. Unless Booger was in one of his moods and he had an audience. This time, the audience was a man. And the show was interactive. Booger decided to pass the time by sharing pleasantries with the man in the elevator.

Booger: "Hi!"

Man: "Hello."

Booger: "You're a man, right?"

Man: (smiling) "Well, yes. Yes, I am."

Booger: "So... you have a penis, right?"

Man: (puzzled, but still smiling - not knowing how to reply) "Uhm... well, yes. I do."

The man's eyes were jumping from Booger to me and back again. He was clearly uncomfortable with where this conversation had ended up so far... but Booger did not stop there. And we were only passing the 4th floor by this point!

Booger: "So... is it a big penis, or a little penis?"

I started pushing buttons - "Here... here... we're getting off here...."

I wanted to laugh... I was embarrassed for the man... I was surprised at the audacity of a two year old boy...

We never did find out if the man had a big penis or a little penis.. but I did learn that day that my son has got himself some really big cajones.