- A bird in the bush gathers no moss.
- Barking at a dead horse.
- Going to Hell in a Hibachi.
- The fat lady has left the building.
- Getting down to brass monkeys.
- Freeze the tits off a nun.
- The bigger they are, the easier it is to kick their shins.
- Great minds are usually insane (for those of you who are wondering why I normally just type "Great minds..." - this would be why.
- Hit the thumb on the head.
- Idle hands learn how to swear in sign language.
- Let the cat out of the washing machine.
- Never bite the hand that holds your paycheque.
- Your balls are in court.
Friday, January 28
Tuesday, January 25
Monday, January 24
Sometimes, They Make You So Proud You Wanna Punch Someone In The Face With A Hammer Out Of Sheer Bliss!
Tuesday, January 18
Wednesday, January 12
Tuesday, January 11
Monday, January 10
The chick standing next to her, looking as though she whines incessantly, is Dyna Girl. Note how Electro Woman is closing her eyes, counting to ten, and trying not to pound Dyna Girl in the head and tell her to shut the fuck up. You can see the tension. And I've never even seen the TV show. You know that had tasers been around in 1976, Dyna Girl would be doing the Electric Shimmy every time she opened her mouth.
But I digress...
The reason I am Electro Woman is not because I look as good as Diedre Hall in a skintight costume (although that would be nice...) but because I zap the fuck out of almost everything I touch. I kill radios and TV sets. I've sucked the juice out of batteries (not intentionally - just happens). My phone constantly needs recharging. This is something that's happened all of my life. Well, not the phone thing... but you get it..
My mom used to work for a baby carriage company. Her job was electroplating the cool bits and bobs that went on the prams. She was constantly surrounded by an electrical field. It was so bad, that Rogers cable requested they put some sort of energy barrier around her because the electrical field was knocking out the cable within a six-block radius. This was back in 1968, when technical stuff wasn't so sophisti-ma-cated.
So - for nine months (maybe eight and half - but mom worked through most of her pregnancy), I was exposed to electrical zappy thing type conditions. I'm a mutant. But not in any really cool way. I can't turn of a light without being zapped. I can't touch anything metal without being zapped. I can't even touch another human being without that intial zing. It's a little hurty. Usually moreso for the other person.
On the other hand, I have been known to disrupt signals (especially in old TV's and radios - the kind with tubes) and make things power down for no apparent reason. It's not much of a consolation - but it is a cool party trick. I'll take it.
Oh - and because the universe loves a good joke as much as the next guy - my son has also inherited these talents. Between us, we go through appliances like stupid.
Sunday, January 9
Apparently, the most socially awkward person on the planet managed to create the most popular social network on the planet. Ironic? Maybe.. although it does make sense that someone who can't express himself in person builds a system to allow everyone - including the socially retarded - to make "friends", albeit virtual ones.
I'm not putting Facebook down. I'm on it - and I love it. I'm probably just as addicted as 97% of the people who frequent it. I've met up with old school friends, re-connected with family after over 17 years of not even knowing where they were, and sworn to hunt down and remove the spleen of anyone who sends me a "Farmville" request. (I do play some of the games, but I quickly grow tired of them - especially since they seem to have to leave proof of their existence all over my FB wall - like some sort of unneutered tomcat who has to mark his territory over and over and over again.) So.. I had to see the movie. :)
It's well done. I'm not sure how much of it is truth and how much is fiction - we all know that not everything we see up on the big screen is fact - no matter how big the words "BASED ON A TRUE STORY" are on the poster. But there's Bro-mance, a friendship lost, triumph, failure, some guys that Viv says are really cute (but since they're all about my son's age, that's a little icky to me), and during it all, an interesting movie happens.
I'm still waiting for Mark Zuckerberg to accept my friend request.