Thursday, May 18

Mom and the Giant Dildo

Okay, because I've touched on the subject a couple of times, I guess it's time for me to come out with the whole story. LOL

Mom and I have always had a sort of open relationship - and we're more like sisters than mother/daughter. We tell each other all sorts of things - and yes, there have been times that we've discussed things I really didn't wanna know about dear ol' mom, but I will always be there for her.

So one day, a very, very sad day, Mom's house burned down. She was at work, but she did lose some very dear pets. The firefighters were shovelling things out of the windows to keep the fire from consuming everything - it was a very old house, and went up like kindling. In no time, there was little left but a pile of her smoldering belongings on the front lawn. My husband (who was then my boyfriend) and I were there, helping her try to pick up what few things we could salvage when all of the sudden, Mom swooped down, grabbed something, and jammed it into her purse. Which brings us to the comedy of this story.

Remember. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. :)

I asked Mom what it was - and she pulled out.. a vibrator. And she had the saddest look on her face when she said, "It doesn't work anymore."
Chewing on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing, I'm sure she thought the tears in my eyes were from the deep feeling of .. erm.. sympathy.. I was experiencing.
"Don't worry, Mom. We'll get you another one."
Which brings us to Aren't We Naughty. Seriously a great store. There have been many a time when nothing but chocolate titties will do as gifts for certain people.. and I'm glad to know there's an Aren't We Naughty nearby to accomodate my every.. erm.. whim. :D
Curiously enough, this is not a shopping expedition my husband wanted to participate in. LOL

Mom had never been in this store before. Her original vibrator was something like.. well, let's just say I'm leather n' lace .. and she's white cotton. It was an eye-opening experience for her, to say the least. I dragged her to the back of the store where we could pick out her new Battery Operated Boyfriend. Mom was like a kid in a candy store. Full of wide-eyed wonder at the pictures on the video packages, and the shapes and sizes of the dildoes and vibrators - and that's when it happened. I picked up the extra-huge, 4-foot long double-ended dildo and turned around quickly to show it to her - and smacked her right upside the head with it. I didn't know she was standing *right there*.

"Umm. Sorry." (Really, what is there to say after that?! - Besides, it was all I could really manage to get out through all the laughter.)
Mom quickly retreated to the front of the store and pretended to look at the much less kinky scented oils.

With tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard, I turned to put the dildo back on it's shelf - and no, no matter what anyone says, it was *not* reluctantly!! LOL

I had to get Mom back so we could pick out a vibrator for her, so I grabbed a huge black one from the shelf and yelled out across the store, "Hey, Mom!! Is this big black one something like the one you're looking for?!"

Worked like a charm. She was by my side like a shot, telling me to shush. LOL

We finally settled on a nice pink malasian rubber one that she has named Mr. Wiggley.

I don't ask her how Mr. Wiggley is doing, and we don't talk about the trip to the store - although I know that if Mr. Wiggley should ever go to that big vagina in the sky, I will once again be called upon for Aren't We Naughty Duty.

So there ya have it, folks. My Mom and Me. Gotta love us. :)

9 comments:

Great Day said...

Trish, this is a classic. I hope you have it written someplace else for your grandchildren to read. This is one of those stories that will carry on through the generations.

Trish said...

Well, right now, it's just written here. :) If nothing else, I expect to find it in my inbox in a couple of weeks, giving someone else the credit because it happened to them. LOL

astrocoz said...

That is hilarious! What is it about those places? I mean you just can't help but laugh at half the products. At this one store (my first experience) I was laughing and playing with a wind-up toy of people "doing it" and the guy behind the counter looks at me and says..."So, you like playing with toys, eh?" I was sooo embarassed, cause I knew he meant the other kind of toys. I got red in the face and hid behind my boyfriend at the time. But eventually, I warmed up to the guy and we were having a great old time making jokes!

used*to*be*me* said...

HA HA HA! I call mine flipper!

Trish said...

They have the funniest stuff. I *always* have to give something from there as part of a gift to my friends, whether it's titty ice cube trays or blow up sheep (I have a Scottish friend)... and everything in between. LOVE those stores!! :)

And .. Flipper! That's too funny! Is it the dolphin one?? :D

Laura said...

I love this story. Reminds me of my mother and I...and her husband who use to love to give dildos as gag gifts.

yellowdog granny said...

the most fun ive ever had was in one of those stores...but managed not to take the daughter in with me...she would have gone with me, but i figure i've warped her enough without adding to it...
i did have fun explaining to her about ben wa balls though..

Ryan Boyles said...

Ha ha ha! Was laughing upon reading your mom-daughter story, if that’s the case; I guess you should buy her a new one.

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