"I am a woman and not a test-mouse!"

I love snopes.

My son has several books that contain different stories of information and assorted trivia.. and one story mentioned an interview done by a Hungarian magazine called Blikk. The interviewee was Madonna.. The questions to Madonna were asked in Hungarian and then translated to English. Madonna's responses were then translated into Hungarian. The interview was then published in Hungarian and, finally, translated back into English.

That was the extent to the truth of this interview. :D

To the book's credit, it did mention at the bottom of the article that it wasn't sure if the interview was just urban legend or not.. but really, all they had to do was what I did.. and look it up on Snopes. lol

The original interview, published in USA Today, was spoofed by cartoonist Gary Trudeau (creator of Doonesbury) and the results were hilarious. The interview made it's way around the 'net as "truth" and since it made me laugh my ass off, I'm going to share it with you. :) I can't find the original USA Today interview.. but if any of you do, please send it to me. :) It was done in 1996, while she was filming Evita, if that helps.

Here's Gary's spoof:

BLIKK: Madonna, Budapest says hello with arms that are spread-eagled. Did you have a visit here that was agreeable? Are you in good odor? You are the biggest fan of our young people who hear your musical productions and like to move their bodies in response.

MADONNA: Thank you for saying these compliments (holds up hands). Please stop with taking sensationalist photographs until I have removed my garments for all to see. (laughs). This is a joke I have made.

BLIKK: Madonna, let's cut to toward the hunt. Are you a bold hussy-woman that feasts on men who are tops?

MADONNA: Yes, yes, this is certainly something that brings to the surface my longings. In America it is not considered to be mentally ill when a woman advances on her prey in a discotheque setting with hardy cocktails present. And there is a more normal attitude toward leather play-toys that also makes my day.

BLIKK: Is this how you met Carlos, your love servant who is reputed? Did you know he was heaven-sent right off the stick? Or were you dating many other people in your bed at the same time?

MADONNA: No, he was the only one I was dating in my bed then, so it is a scientific fact that the baby was made in my womb using him. But as regards those questions, enough! I am a woman and not a test-mouse! Carlos is an everyday person who is in the orbit of a star who is being muscle-trained by him, not a sex machine.

BLIKK: May we talk about your other "baby," your movie, then? Please do not be denying that the similarities between you and the real Evita are grounded in basis. Power, money, tasty-food, Grammys -- all these elements are afoot.

MADONNA: What is up in the air with you? Evita never was winning a Grammy!

BLIKK: Perhaps not. But as to your film, in trying to bring your reputation along a rocky road, can you make people forget the bad explosions of Who's That Girl? and Shanghai Surprise?

MADONNA: I am a tip-top starlet. That is the job that I am paid to do.

BLIKK: O.K. here's a question from left space. What was your book Slut about?

MADONNA: It was called Sex, my book.

BLIKK: Not in Hungary. Here it was called Slut. How did it come to publish? Were you lovemaking with a man-about-town printer? Do you prefer making suggestive literature to fast selling CD's?

MADONNA: These are different facets to my career highway. I am preferring only to become respected all over the map as a 100% artist.

BLIKK: There is much interest in you from this geographical region, so I must ask this final questions. How many Hungarian men have you dated in bed? Are they No. 1? How are they comparing to Argentine men, who are famous for being tip-top as well?

MADONNA: Well, to avoid aggravating global tension, I won't say. It's a tie (laughs). No, no, I am serious now. See here I am working like a canine all the way around the clock! I am too busy even to try the goulash the makes your country for the record books.

BLIKK: Thank you for your candid chitchat.

MADONNA: No problem, friend who is a girl.

As you can see, this is why there was so much laughter in my ass, it fell off. :P

Knick Knack, Paddy-whack, Give the dog a bone!

Found this while surfing the 'net lookin' for... stuff... nevermind... look! Up in the sky! It's a dead bird!

So who can come up with a good caption for this? Anyone?

"Max always comes up with the BEST party games!"

"Who wants to play a game of 'Pin the Bone on the Human?'"

"All of your bones are belongings to me!"

"You want me to bury the bone where?!"

&

"Well what was I supposed to think when you said, 'Go bury the bone, Max!'"

~by Chicka

"Who's your daddy?"

~by Yellowdog Granny

"How to get rid of Mormons"

~by Mind~of~Madness

I'm back..but I'm editing..

Yes.. I'm back...

But I'm editing stuff.. and deleting stuff.. and doing stuff in general in the background.. so don't be alarmed. :)

Here's something to keep you amused until my return. Talk amongst yourselves:

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach… only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."



AND... an oldie but a goodie...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'dropoff' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? scroll down for answer.........................................


































Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

Mom and the Giant Dildo

Okay, because I've touched on the subject a couple of times, I guess it's time for me to come out with the whole story. LOL

Mom and I have always had a sort of open relationship - and we're more like sisters than mother/daughter. We tell each other all sorts of things - and yes, there have been times that we've discussed things I really didn't wanna know about dear ol' mom, but I will always be there for her.

So one day, a very, very sad day, Mom's house burned down. She was at work, but she did lose some very dear pets. The firefighters were shovelling things out of the windows to keep the fire from consuming everything - it was a very old house, and went up like kindling. In no time, there was little left but a pile of her smoldering belongings on the front lawn. My husband (who was then my boyfriend) and I were there, helping her try to pick up what few things we could salvage when all of the sudden, Mom swooped down, grabbed something, and jammed it into her purse. Which brings us to the comedy of this story.

Remember. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. :)

I asked Mom what it was - and she pulled out.. a vibrator. And she had the saddest look on her face when she said, "It doesn't work anymore."
Chewing on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing, I'm sure she thought the tears in my eyes were from the deep feeling of .. erm.. sympathy.. I was experiencing.
"Don't worry, Mom. We'll get you another one."
Which brings us to Aren't We Naughty. Seriously a great store. There have been many a time when nothing but chocolate titties will do as gifts for certain people.. and I'm glad to know there's an Aren't We Naughty nearby to accomodate my every.. erm.. whim. :D
Curiously enough, this is not a shopping expedition my husband wanted to participate in. LOL

Mom had never been in this store before. Her original vibrator was something like.. well, let's just say I'm leather n' lace .. and she's white cotton. It was an eye-opening experience for her, to say the least. I dragged her to the back of the store where we could pick out her new Battery Operated Boyfriend. Mom was like a kid in a candy store. Full of wide-eyed wonder at the pictures on the video packages, and the shapes and sizes of the dildoes and vibrators - and that's when it happened. I picked up the extra-huge, 4-foot long double-ended dildo and turned around quickly to show it to her - and smacked her right upside the head with it. I didn't know she was standing *right there*.

"Umm. Sorry." (Really, what is there to say after that?! - Besides, it was all I could really manage to get out through all the laughter.)
Mom quickly retreated to the front of the store and pretended to look at the much less kinky scented oils.

With tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard, I turned to put the dildo back on it's shelf - and no, no matter what anyone says, it was *not* reluctantly!! LOL

I had to get Mom back so we could pick out a vibrator for her, so I grabbed a huge black one from the shelf and yelled out across the store, "Hey, Mom!! Is this big black one something like the one you're looking for?!"

Worked like a charm. She was by my side like a shot, telling me to shush. LOL

We finally settled on a nice pink malasian rubber one that she has named Mr. Wiggley.

I don't ask her how Mr. Wiggley is doing, and we don't talk about the trip to the store - although I know that if Mr. Wiggley should ever go to that big vagina in the sky, I will once again be called upon for Aren't We Naughty Duty.

So there ya have it, folks. My Mom and Me. Gotta love us. :)