Today is the First Day... After Yesterday and the One Before Tomorrow

I am always getting idioms mixed up. For some reason, there's a weird short circuit in my brain that won't put a full idiom together.

I will say:

• A bird in the bush gathers no moss.
• Barking at a dead horse.
• Going to Hell in a Hibachi.
• The fat lady has left the building.
• Getting down to brass monkeys.
• Freeze the tits off a nun.
• The bigger they are, the easier it is to kick their shins.
• Great minds are usually insane (for those of you who are wondering why I normally just type "Great minds..." - this would be why.
• Hit the thumb on the head.
• Idle hands learn how to swear in sign language.
• Let the cat out of the washing machine.
• Never bite the hand that holds your paycheque.
• Your balls are in court.

I'm sure friends and family would be happy to point out more that I've said. You get the idea. I never get them right. Even if I've just been told what they are, for some reason, its forgotten almost immediately. I don't understand this.

I also don't always get that they're wrong as I'm saying them. The odd occasion I'll have a feeling that something isn't right, but it isn't until I see the looks on the faces of people around me that I truly know that yet again, I have become an idiom idiot.

Yay! Go me.

Aliens Worship Oprah

Who'd have thought that when the first extra-terrestrial book was translated, it wouldn't be a cookbook on how to munch on humans - it'd be their bible - and that they'd worship OPRAH!

Discovered by a construction worker by smashing cylindrical metal objects against his forehead, the vessel containing the book had scientists creaming themselves over numbers and mathematical signs - and some symbols that looked like UPN and NBC! What else could it have possibly been other than a TV Schedule?

The book discovered in the strange metal container had a cover illustration of "the unmistakable likeness of Oprah Winfrey". It doesn't say if it's the thin version or the fat version... but I suspect the fat version would have required a second edition.

To read more about this wondrous discovery, the full article can be found here. And anyone who's seen MIB knows that the Weekly World News would NEVER lie!!